The Refiners Fire of Motherhood

Has anyone stopped to wonder how moms do what they do? Seriously I think we are superheros. Think about it, there are so many smaller jobs inside the big job that come along with being a mom. We are nurses, playmates, supervisors, creative consultants, advisers, disciplinarians, cuddle monsters, love machines, cooks, house-maids, listeners, organizers, encouragers, teachers, friends, stewards, taxi drivers, executive decision makers, toy mechanics, problem solvers, scientists, artists, engineers, and the list goes on and on. That list doesn't even include our other duties like being a wife or an employee. We can perform all of these duties sometimes in the same day to keep our little ones safe and happy! We are kind of amazing that way!

I will be the first to admit that sometimes its a little bit much. The daily routine of being mom is sometimes the best thing and sometimes the worst, and sometimes both at the same time. Don't get me wrong, motherhood is the most important and amazing thing I have ever done with my life, those kids are my world, and I wouldn't change a single  thing. But, I think its worth mentioning that sometimes its just down right hard.

We all have different strengths and weaknesses. I for one, loved English and art in school, and abhorred math. I would clearly not grow up to be a Mathematician , physicist, or rocket scientist. My sister in law Eve on the other hand is amazing at math and would be a great mathematician or math teacher. I was never the mothering type growing up either. I never babysat, my first diaper change was my daughters, I didn't even like kids outside of my own family for the most part. When they plopped my beautiful daughter on my chest when she was born I was like: "well now what?" (with a slightly hysterical look on my face). While my sister in law is one of those that was just born to be a mom. She's had tons of babysitting experience, changed a million diapers, and has an affinity for kids. She must have known exactly what to do when my sweet little nephew came into the world.

I knew better than to grow up to be a crazy great photographer like my good friend Meagan, or a wickedly talented interior designer like my sister Jessie, or a sweet and loving elementary school teacher like my bestie Amanda

...those things are just not my strengths. BUT..... We are all moms! Isn't that crazy! We are all doing the exact same job, the most important job, despite our differences. And we are all succeeding! How can this be?

I'm not saying its sunshine and rainbows every second of every day being a mom for all of us. In fact I think some of us struggle more than others. I think some of us, like me, weren't necessarily cut out to be naturally super great at momming, and some days I feel it in my heart and I fight with all I have to learn and to cope and to change because my kids are worth it and I want to be better for them. And than there are those that, like my sister in law, were made for this. They make it look easy, little things that come along with motherhood don't phase them like they do me, they are the moms that can make all of those crazy awesome pinterest projects a reality! They are like mom superheros!

I'm not saying that either kind of mom is better than the other. Not at all! We all have happy and healthy children who probably think we are killing it at being their mom, at least most of the time. But what I am trying say is that some of us have a harder time keeping it together.
I used to have this thought that I wasn't as good of a mom as Sally down the street. I would privately bare this quiet shame. A heatwave of guilt and self disgust would flood over me out of no where. I would feel as if my kids deserved someone better than me. And that's a horrible feeling. I might be wrong but I'm willing to bet that several moms have these thoughts and never talk about them because we don't want anyone to know that we struggle. We want everyone to think we are supermom and that we've got it nailed down. We don't want anyone questioning our abilities or our love for our children. I bet that many of us could too easily relate to one of my favorite quotes from a poem by Stevie Smith, "I was farther out than you thought and not waving but drowning". 

Why do we do that to ourselves? That's NOT RIGHT!! We are all doing the very best we can for our kids on a daily basis, playing to our strengths, and hopefully working on our weak spots. Ive been able to change my perspective recently on my previous negativity. I have to remind myself that I am walking through the refiners fire and becoming the person that my children need me to be daily. The changes that have taken place in my life are astonishing and I know they have come from great effort on my part as well as the tender mercies of God. I believe that it is in my heavenly fathers plan for me to become something more than I am and for me, motherhood is how I am achieving that.
It has been the greatest blessing in my life to be a mom to my two wonderful children even when it has felt like the biggest burden. The hardest things in life make us the best we can be. And isn't it amazing that although its the hardest thing, it also offers such joy and happiness to have these babies in our lives? Isn't it great that we have each other to lean on and learn from?

We are all wildly different. That makes each of us beautiful and amazing in our own way. But we all have one thing in common and that is unconditional love for our children. We were all created for this divine purpose and God gave us ALL the tools we will ever need to take these precious people from infancy to adulthood without screwing them up too badly haha. Just in case you need to hear it today, YOU CAN DO THIS! You are amazing and your kids love you!! You are appreciated even if its not shown and you are A GREAT MOM!!

By the way, I am so blessed to have these amazing women in my life to lean on and learn from as I continue in the refiners fire!!