My every once in a while kind of smile

As I sat there listening to the ever persistent impatient sounds coming from Berkley's room I found myself smiling. Yes those weren't happy sounds flowing out of her crib, and yes I was trying to get some work done, and yes I was stressed out after a crazy busy week…. but there I was smiling. Don't get me wrong, I don't greet every tired or fussy cry with a smile. In fact they are all too often met with frustration and impatience. But every once in a while, I can't help but smile.

My life has changed so much in the past 9 months. I went from being someone always on the go, always on the back of horse, always with a board strapped to my feet, always huddled around a campfire in the mountains, always up for any fun, crazy, exciting activity. Its safe to say that in some ways the pace of life has both slowed down and sped up for me since my life was changed by this beautiful girl I call my daughter. Days spent long boarding, snowboarding, floating the river, camping, moving cows, hunting, fishing, etc. have been replaced with long days of diapers, bottles, binkies, disney channel, lazy days at the park, poop, throw up, smiles, laughs, cries, cuddles, giggles, walks, owies, funny faces, and baby talk. I never knew I could stay home all day and still be so busy that I am exhausted by the time I hit the pillow. But above all else, I am happy. Sure there are days I miss the thrill of flying down a back road on a longboard or pulling a large mouth bass out of the lake, but none of it compares to that smile I get on these occasions at home listening to my waking baby.

Its brought on by an overwhelming feeling of unconditional love, knowing that there is a little person in the next room that needs and wants me. Not just for the basics like food, milk, diaper changes, and constant entertainment…but that also needs me and only me for hugs and kisses and cuddles. I smile when I catch her getting into the candy bowl and her face fills with this "uh oh" look. I smile when I put her in the tub and she goes crazy flailing around and laughing because she loves the water so much. I smile because I am often greeted with the biggest smile and a "so glad you are here" face. I smile when she decides she knows how to talk and has a full on conversation with herself. I smile when she tries different foods for the first time and she acts like she can't bare to wait for the next bite. I smile when I walk into the room and she has made the biggest mess out of the most baby proof room in our house. I smile when she makes her squishy faces, I just know she is intentionally trying to make me laugh. Most of all, I smile because I know my life is ten times more full and complete and meaningful than it was just 9 months ago.

No successfully landed 360 on a snowy mountain or sunrise on the back of a horse can compare to this feeling of being a mom.  A lot of the adrenaline and thrill of life has vanished since I met Berkley, but the joy and happiness has increased ten fold. So in my mind I have definitely traded up in lifestyle.

In just 4 months our home will be graced with yet another addition to the Reid family. This time its a little boy and I know that means double trouble, double work, double financial stress, double time, double attention, and double worry. But it also means double love, double happiness, and double joy. When Berkley was born I didn't realize I had that much room in my heart, and when I found out I was pregnant again I didn't know how their could possibly be any more room for another baby. But just in the past 5 months this new baby has already taken his place right in there next to Berkley and our family already feels incomplete without him. I can't wait to meet him!

So yes, life has slowed down in ways, and its gotten crazier in others. But I wouldn't trade it for the world and I would never go back to a life without my kids. I imagine that someday when they are old enough we will be shredding the mountain and heading to deer camp as a family, but until then I am perfectly happy right here smiling :)

p.s. I have the best husband to experience all of this with. He is seriously the best :)

Just a little different than your average mama :)

Last friday I walked into the livestock center at BYUI to complete a task as the communications specialist for the the BYUI cattlemen's society. Normally when I am out there for a class I wear the regular blue jeans, button up shirt, and cowboy boots. This particular day I was dressed and ready for our co-ed basketball game later that night. This outfit entailed a gym shirt covered by a loose Nike hoodie, my school issued gym shorts, my pink Nike socks, and my blue vans. Every person that walked through that livestock center while I dealt with the department advisor as well as the department secretary looked at me like I was crazy.

This has occurred before. On days that I used to go long boarding with Robby and Luke before class, I would be in my chucks and my Neff beanie. Other times, I had just come from the mountain and was still in my snowboarding gear. There might have even been a time or two I showed up for class actually looking like a girl that didn't involve boots and a cowboy hat lol. Every time, I get this reaction out at the livestock center. They stare, they whisper to their friends, and deep down they question if I could possibly be in the right place.

Sometimes teacher's out there ask for a show of hands of who all has worked on a ranch, or had experience with cattle. I almost always get this strange look when they notice my hand is raised. Sometimes they even call on me to figure out how the girl in the skate shoes and weird hat could have possibly been around cows. They expect me to say something ridiculous, like that I pet one at a petting zoo once. My favorite is when I actually show up to class in cowgirl attire for the first few classes then one day I come in in a beanie and a burton jacket and they give me this look like they don't recognize who I am, "that crazy person hasn't been in my class this whole time right?"

Well let me tell you, I am in the right place. I am an animal science major with an emphasis in animal reproduction. I have gotten A's in all of my horse and cattle related classes and might be able to teach you a thing or two about the equine and bovine reproductive systems. I've worked on ranches, I have my own horses back home and ride any time I can. I am in the presidency of the cattlemen's society and have learned a lot so far. I love working with horses and cattle and although I may not have as much experience as those kids that grew up on their own family operations, I do have one thing, and that's passion for the lifestyle and all it entails.

You know what else, I am more than just a cowgirl and a student of animal science. I like a lot of things. I love the challenge and thrill that snowboarding and long boarding offer me. I love music. No, not just country, all kinds. I love to dance and can't help it sometimes when I am walking through the hart building and hear the zumba music blaring. I like sorting cows and competing in the ranch rodeo back home. I like sports and playing basketball and volleyball on campus. I actually like my animal reproduction classes and will miss them when I graduate in December. I like spending days with Robby and Berkley in the mountains on dirt bikes or 4 wheelers. I like sitting in a duck boat fishing for bass with my grandpa. I like being on my horse alone early in the morning. I like going to the movies and bowling with friends. I like going to rodeos and cowboy mounted shooting events. I like design and being able to create. I like running our new business and being my own boss. Most of all, I love being a mom. I love my daughter more than any of these things and would give it all up for her if I had to.

My point in all this is… why is it so hard to believe that my lifestyle could entail more than just one discipline? I have noticed this especially in the horse and cattle world. To these old school cowboys and buckaroos its do or die and there is no room for anything else. Well, ya know that might be true for you, but for me… I like my life the way it is. I like that I am crazy busy sometimes doing 100 different things. I like that I know a little bit about a lot of things versus being an absolute expert in one field. I like being a jack of all trades and a master of none. I like the fact that my husband isn't a cowboy, it doesn't tie me down to one certain lifestyle. Instead, he is like me and we both love a lot of different things. I love that about him, I can totally be myself, and he loves me for it. In some realms it seems this is frowned upon, but my question to you is why? Why is it so insane for me to have passion for more than one thing?

I am a mother, a wife, a snowboarder, a long boarder, a wakeboarder, a dirt biker, a camper, a fisher, a hunter, an artist, A DJ, an entrepreneur, a latter day saint, a writer, a blogger, a student (not only of animal science but also of life and the gospel), a cowgirl, a cattle enthusiast, a dancer, a designer, a skater, a sister, a daughter, a grand daughter, a leader, a coach, a friend, a screen printer, a team mate, a basketball/volleyball player….and much much more. I am proud of this and I can say that Robby and I will most likely raise some pretty diverse and well rounded kids. I think it's great that you have passion for something in your life, that's great and I am happy for you, but please don't judge me for having passion for a few more things than the average person. This is who I am; my life is happy and full and I wouldn't change a thing!

The Never Ending Learning Curve

As Robby and I sat on campus (in the hall of the quiet Hinckley building) busily typing away, a small peep crept out of the oversized stroller that was awkwardly parked next to our bench. It was comical to me as the sound of our keyboard tapping became louder as we desperately tried to squeeze out just a couple more words before the inevitable waking of our 13 week old baby girl Berkley. The events that followed were just a small reminder of how lucky I am:
I sat there, fingers flying, a sense of desperation on my face. I was trying to finish my assignment before I put my computer down to comfort the increasingly impatient baby pleading with me to get her out of her restraints. As most mothers know, once a baby awakens from a deep slumber it is hard to predict what little can be accomplished until their next nap. I was about to give in to the idea that this assignment would have to be revisited at a later time. I gripped my computer preparing to set it down and greet that beautiful baby awaiting my embrace, but instead my wonderful husband beat me to it and set his down first. I couldn't help but smile as I watched him throw the diaper bag over his shoulder, acting contrary to the world's idea of a man's nature, and carry that precious perfect mixture of us both into the school bathroom to change her overdue diaper. The expression on her face looking back at me as she disappeared around the corner, held by her much larger and muscular daddy, flooded me with warmth and happiness invested in my knowledge of her innocence and perfection. I was overwhelmed with love for my little family.

When he gets home from work he has no problem taking Berkley to give me a break. He changes diapers, makes bottles, gets puked, pooped, and peed on, entertains her, and even bathes her. On top of that he does the dishes and helps me keep the house picked up. Whenever we have time together it is a unified team effort. He makes sure I know that I am loved and has given me all the attention I could want since we have had this little distracting beauty in our home. He gives everything to us and I am so grateful for a man like that in my life.

I know how lucky I am, and I am determined to never take it for granted :)

It's a funny thing when a baby comes into the lives of new parents. Time that was originally devoted partially to ourselves and mostly to each other is obliterated by this amazing tiny bundle of spit up, poop, and love. It is absolutely overwhelming to think of all of her needs, on top of our own, and the needs of our surrounding friends and family. In one given day there is school, food, homework, sports, fitness, babysitters, picking up, dropping off, cleaning, finances, scripture study, prayers, shopping, cooking, church callings, meetings, socializing, laundry, baths, showers, dishes, studying, etc. Days drag on and seem to never end. When they finally do end, I lay in bed trying to mentally and emotionally prepare for the next day. That alone is enough to cause insomnia for an already exhausted parent. Stress is high, time supply is low, preparation is required but not always full proof, and organized chaos is expected as the daily norm. Parenthood has stretched me to my limits in 100 different ways. I have cried more in the last 3 months than I think I ever have in my life. I have argued and picked fights with Robby. I have been moody, irritable, and prideful. It has been the most exhausting and the most stressful 3 months of my life.
With all of this being said, I have never been happier or more humbled. I have never felt more complete and more joyful than now. I would never change my situation. Life is crazy but it's the best it's ever been. For the first time in my life I feel whole. I believe that it is when we are stretched and pushed that we figure out what we are made of. We learn things about ourselves and realize our divine potential when the most is expected of us. I have never understood the purpose of life better than I do now as a mother. My heart has been so full that at times I felt I could not contain the love I have. My love for my heavenly father has grown ten fold. I am so grateful for this mortal experience as a child of God and for his plan for me. Everything is possible through the gospel.

My life is not perfect, but I have a little piece of heaven here on earth that I get to keep through the eternities. And as far as I am concerned, I am the luckiest person alive.